Beneath Loch Ness

John Chard: Sixty Feet of Prehistoric Terror! Beneath Loch Ness is directed by Chuck Comisky and Comisky co-writes the screenplay with Shane Bitterling and Justin Stanley. It stars Patrick Bergin, Lysette Anthony, Brian Wimmer, Lysa Apostle, Vernon Wells, David Andriole and Chris Taaffe. Music is by Richard John Baker and cinematography by Philipp H. Timme. An underwater quake has apparently awoken the famous creature... It makes the depths churn like a boiling caldron and stirs up the sea... Nothing on earth is its equal - a creature without fear - - Job 41:31 Pic starts with that passage from the bible, oh so much promise... As reviews and internet ratings suggest, this is pretty bad fare. As someone who positively loves creaky creature features, even I found myself a little insulted by how poor the execution of this film is. No problem with the familiarity of plotting, there are reams and rafts of of sci-fi schlockers out there that have cribbed from the standard "group on a mission to locate monster and things go bad" formula, and there will be more. It's just that it's all so very dull, it lacks excitement and it takes an age before it gets going, and sadly the big finale isn't at all worth the wait. There's unintentional fun on offer, such as Bergin (what happened to this once promising actor?) donning Braveheart war paint to go off and fight Nessie, while the cinematography is woeful, the poor colour filters and foggy contrasts are a disgrace to some amazing locales used for the shoot. Still, at least for me Lysette Anthony is still sexual white chocolate, and for that I rate a generous 3/10